Today is Saturday. My location is the office of Bethsheba Rem in Atlanta, GA. I am in Atlanta to support Sheba with her Women's History Month show. . Femme Fatale. Hot name, right? I thought it was a fierce name for a show. . .Anyway, Lyrically Inspired, Inc. is one of the co-sponsors. It is an excellent opportunity to get the word out about LIINC in another city. This trip has been interesting. From the 4 star hotel that is right across the street from a very busy hospital to the three different valets that didn't know how to drive a stick. The cute playboy valet dude knew how to drive it though . .lol. . HE KNEW HOW TO DRIVE MY CAR. . get your mind out of the gutter.

One thing that this trip has inspired me to do is to definitely step my game up. There are things about my life that I really don't like so I really need to stop wasting time and pretty much get it done. Every step from here on out must be strategic and have an effect long term. So often we look for the instant gratification that we forget that the gratification is just that. . an instant. . .we don't look or realize that after that instant is over. . the gratification is over as well. We never focus on the long term.

Another thing that I have to do is to push myself harder instead of listening to those that say, "Oh you doing too much or why you doing that or you can't do that" I need to utilize those folks as motivation to get my stuff done instead of letting what they say dictate my footsteps.

Nature vs. Nurture

I remember in high school we would always have the nature vs. nurture debate. . .I always thought that you were a combination of both. You were born a certain way and your environment (aka Nurture) molded you and fused together both of those elements. Now as I have gotten older, I have come to the conclusion that it is a constant battle that we endure when it comes to nature vs. nurture. We are born destined for a certain path and designed to be a certain type of person. . . we constantly fight against the nurturing piece that is a total contradiction of our nature. It is up to our nature to overcome and triumphant.

If you have ever felt as if your environment was suppressing your footsteps or preventing you from doing what you are destined to do simply because of location or the people around you, then I feel that is your nature constantly battling with your "nurturing" environment. Some battles are small and can't be heard/seen or it doesn't even bother people. On the other hand, the battle is not a battle at all, it is a full fledged World War with nuclear war heads.

Some people choose to ignore the "crisis" but I choose not to. I must continue to fight this war until I find peace. I just hope that it is not a war that I am not destined to win.

Until next time,

Fading to Black

*Posting this a day late. . my bad. .forgot to post it on yesterday*

I have journal after journal. . blog after blog. I don't write in any of them for the most part unless I am pissed. I guess that is why I am writing in this one today. I am not necessarily pissed more annoyed than anything. I am completely annoyed with my life and the direction that it is going or has been going over the last couple of months. What am I going to do about it? I have no idea. It just feels like the more steps, I take the more that I am pushed back or things are just not going fast enough. It could be just that I am whining because I have to wait. Patience has never been my strong suit. I feel like I have been waiting and waiting for my break through for years that now, at 31 going on 32, I should have something. I am mostly frustrated because of people. I realize why I keep the inner circle tight and why I don't ask people, even them, for assistance. People tend to disappoint especially when they have their own agendas. Sometimes someone else's agenda doesn't mesh well with yours and they can be counter productive to each other. With less than 70 days left before these shows, I have a lot of weight on my shoulders. It would be nice if I had someone to share the weight with. Even though I am greatly for those that have agreed to help me, it is still my responsibility. In usual EB fashion, I don't want to disappoint. . because when it is all said and done. . it is my name that is out there. . my company. . all on me...

Yeah and maybe I am a little pissed because those that I feel I am closest to, I have to share. I never liked sharing. I am still waiting on my own. Maybe, just maybe, he will come and will be there just for me. Again with the patience. . .

Oh my goodness. . it has been a hot little minute since I have updated this blog. Shout to the Diva who reminded me that I still had this out there. :-)

ANYWAYS. . .Today, I felt like pure crap! Just emotionally out of whack and some more unexplainable bullshyt. . .felt like someone just took a stab @ me and hit me right in the gut. But guess what? I found some things on my hard drive that made me feel so much better. . hidden treasures that I had forgotten about. .but inspired me to maybe. . just maybe pick up a mic as a way of expression and release from how and what I am currently dealing with. . I know that it is not a cure but it is a method to clear out the madness. . .I will share a piece of what I am talking about. . .

In my mind came clearer thoughts
Once I no longer allowed you to
Manipulate my heart that lay within my g-spot
And make that spot between my thighs hot
No longer will my insides cream
As I moan and scream
Out your name in ecstasy
Begging you to take my body
And make it your own


I unselfishly hand delivered to him my self-respect
Never realizing, three months later when it was over how I had become so pathetic
Begging him to allow me to pleasure him orally
When he raped me mentally
Selfishly taking away my identity
Down on my knees
Aiming to pleasure
And exceed
The expectations of the last time I did this deed
No love here, doesn’t even exists
Just sex
30 seconds of ultimate pleasure
allowing him to take my most precious treasure
taking away my grip of me and my hold
never to regain control


Wrote that about five years ago. . I mean really. ."manipulate my heart that lay within my g-spot"?????!?!?!? how sick is that? I don't know what I have been doing for the last five years but it haven't been producing lines like that one. . .I have truly been in a fog of doubt, disruption and failure. .the question now is whether I have enough energy in me to turn on my fog lights?

"This is the number one rule for your set

In order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets

On the, rise to the top, many drop, don't forget

In order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets

This is the number one rule for your setIn order to survive,

gotta learn to live with regrets

And through our travels we get seperated, never forget

In order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets" - Jay-Z

"Regrets" (Reasonable Doubts)

Today, I am humble. I am in reflection mode. Thinking about things and change. I remember as a child hearing that "if you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you have always got". How true is that? But how hard is to break from the shackles of being complancent? Of simply settling just because??

Since I will be thirty in about a year and some change, I reflect on my twenties and my "accomplishments". I have to truly say that I am blessed because I look back and wonder how I got over. I made mistakes. I could have done a lot of things differently. I could have been more patience with myself. I could have planned things out more instead of reacting on instinct and emotion. So, as I embark on the next decade of my life. . I reflect. .not to regret anything. .but to make sure that I remain humble and learn from what I have done in my twenties so when I embark on the next decade after my thirties, I will still be as humble as I am today.

I could go on. . but it is best that I stop here. Reflect internally. Some things are better off left unsaid.

Until next time. . .live to dream and bring your dreams to life. . .

Something about his voice made me smile
Made me feel warm inside
All he said was "Hello"
but it was enough to let me know
that I loved him. - "First Time" (ESB - 2005/2006)



It has been a minute since I have written in my blog. It has been a minute since I have written anything. . however, it seems that my muse has re-appeared from somewhere and my writing has begun again. I am not up to full force capacity yet and I think that has to do with the emotional aspect of what has been going on in my life. I have always accepted being an emotional person but have learned over the years of life that being emotional or showing emotions is not the way to go. My daddy is a good example. . .growing up, he never showed emotions. To this day, I have never seen my daddy cry. . like break down and cry. I saw him one time tear up at my Aunt's funeral but that was almost instantly replaced by a "tough" attitude. My daddy has always instilled in me that I can be independant and do things w/o the help of others. I guess I have really took his advice to heart and ran with that cuz there are some days that I feel like I don't need anyone.. . I mean, some days, really. .why do I need someone? Just so they can put their own agenda on me? Hmph. . or disappoint me? I have endured enough hurt and pain in my life w/o being vulnerable at someone else's expense. . why just set yourself up for failure by asking someone to do something for you? I guess that is where faith comes in. . .Faith in ppl. . .I have faith in God. . Faith in ppl. . .hmmm. .the proof is in the pudding. I have a few TRUE friends that I would say that if I needed them. . I KNOW that they would be there and support me in whatever. . I have one friend. .that I KNOW would support me if I wanted to go join the circus or some crazy shyt like that. . LOL. . Anyway. . Emotions. .they can be a gift and curse. . I have learned and is still trying to live with them. I get them from my momma. . HA!! Me. .like my momma. . . hmmm. . .I would like to say that I am a good combination of my momma and my daddy. .I guess that would make me a MUT. .or a misfit. . whatever. .the title. . I am what I am b/c that is what God wanted me to be. .the good, the bad and the ugly. .. but beautiful I am b/c God told me that I am. . .I am just glad that I finally realized. . accepted and believe it now. .

Until next time. . . .I am . . .

Cutting out all of the formalities today. . I am going to get straight to the point. PEOPLE. . .MY PEOPLE. . .Hear me when I say. .

"Don't talk about it. . BE about it"

The topic today came up when I made a comment to someone about nobody wanting me. They thought that I was going to go into a self-pity rant. . however, that was not my point for that comment. My point for that comment was simply this. . IF someone TRULY "wanted" me, they would make themselves known. I have had people tell me that they "want" me but their actions have proven otherwise. So my suggestion is. . .if you "want" something. .ACT like you want it. Let your actions speak for themselves. You can TALK TALK TALK TALK all you want . . into you are blue in the face. . .I am not hearing you unless you can back up your words with some action.

The days of trying to get someone to "want" me or "be" with. . are over. I never realized HOW MUCH I actually did that until the other day when I was at home thinking about a situation. I was thinking to myself that I must have fallen and bumped my damn head. . which I probably have. But at this point, it is neither here nor there. I think this is an appropriate post for the first post of the year. . .so let's all just "BE ABOUT IT". Whatever it is you want. . need . .desire. . .make yourself known. . .I know I will. . I am sure I will write about my adventures. Until next time. . .

The thing that I like about this blogging thing is that it actually documents me and my thought process and/or my life experiences. It is good to look back and see your "reflection". So with that said and with 2005 on its' way out. . .let's reflect. Reflect on past successes so that you can continue to make them. Reflect on past failures so you can turn them into successess.

As with every year that I am blessed to be alive. . I can say that it has been a year. This year, my family circle has not been broken and I have not lost anyone close to me. I am blessed. I know that God has a plan for me and it is up to me to be patient and wait for it to unfold. I could go into a whole list of the things that I did wrong or the things that I did right for the '05 but I won't. I could list a whole bunch of "resolutions" for '06 but I won't. I will leave my last entry for the '05 like this. . .I am blessed and have been blessed to see another year. '06 will be different from other years becuase I have learned so much from '05. So with that said. . always be and love you. . and believe that '06 is the "year to be about it" (TAC) Until the curtain opens in '06. .be true to your reflection.